I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts.

I drove up to the house. Its pitch black. No lights on.

I look at the ticket and it says ‘use back door’. I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, “Hey down here”.

I look under the porch and theres a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it.

Gave the guy the pizza and bounced.

Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt lol.

Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I’ve had.

I didn’t end up delivering the pizza, but the address was an abandoned house. It was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited that I could see trees growing through the windows; the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard from the street.

The instructions were to “come around back”. I double-checked the address after locking my doors, called the customer a couple of times. Finally I called the store and told them what was up and why I wasn’t delivering the pizza, then headed out. I mean seriously:

who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?

I delivered pizza to a house where an older guy walked out in a robe sorta mumbling.

I handed him the food, he handed me a 20. Politely, I told him it’s 24. He mumbles “okay” and waddles back into the house. He comes back and hands me another 20.

I go to my pocket to get change but he slams the door in my face before I can give him his money back.​

I also once delivered to an older woman who told me to come in the side door. The food was about $34; she handed me what I thought was $40 and was really sweet, asking me how I’m doing and all that.

I get back into my car and realize it’s actually $60 and 2 of the 20s were sorta stuck together. I wenr back into her house to let her know and she says, “Oh I know, it’s for gas and whatever else you might need”.

I always remember that lady because it was just such a random nice thing to do and really made my day.

There was a ‘massage’ business that kept ordering pizza from us.

With one of their orders they asked for a side of potato wedges that came with sour cream. But when I delivered, none was included.

Having a bunch of scantily dressed women yell at me for sour cream was both hilarious and frightening.

I’m a girl.

I was a delivery driver and was working a morning shift.

Around 10:30am I got a delivery to an apartment. Everything seemed legit since it was day time and there were lots of people close by.

I knocked on the door and after 30 seconds or so the door opened a few inches so that I could only see the guy’s face.

I still didn’t think it was weird, because people do that when they’re trying to restrain a dog. He asked me to put the pizza on the stove, and he moved back so I could see it was right behind him.

I hesitated a second and decided not to do it. Instead, I told him I can’t enter homes, but I don’t mind waiting until he’s ready to take the pizza. He asked again, saying “it’s RIGHT there”. So I gave the same answer, really apologetically, but something wasn’t feeling right.

So he opened the door wide open and I saw he wasn’t wearing anything. And this guy was at least 60 years old and like 6 feet tall.

I tried to hand him the pizza and gave him the total, averting my eyes the whole time. He wouldn’t give me the money. He kept asking me to repeat the total and moved into my line of vision.

I just took a step back and looked straight up. Eventually he gave me $25 and I ran away.

I told everyone at the store; for an $8 tip and a chance to deck the guy all the boys that worked there hoped he would order again.

The next day he did! When the driver got back he said he had to wait at least 2 minutes and when the guy answered he was only wearing sweatpants.

He was sure he would do it again to a girl driver, so the guy got blacklisted.

I was a pizza guy in the late 90s.

At the time, I lived with my parents, so I usually kept my stash with me so they wouldn’t find it. So, I’m delivering one night with a half ounce in my pocket.

It was triple bagged so no one would smell it.

Pull up to this house and as soon as I get out of the car a German shepherd in the backyard starts going nuts.

Barking, pawing at the fence, this dog didn’t like me. I thought nothing of it, because it wasn’t the first mean dog I’d encountered while delivering.

Knock on the door and a state trooper answers in his uniform. My heart immediately sinks; I’m terrified. I realize that’s not just any dog, that’s a K-9.

But the cop just rolls his eyes, pays for his pizza and I went on my way. I don’t remember if he tipped.

I used to deliver subs.

One of our regular clients was an old lady in a nursing home who thought it was 1940s or something.

She was super nice, but nobody would deliver to her because she would only tip you like 25 cents because again, she was living way in the past.

But I loved to sit and talk with her so I always volunteered to do it. The nurses would pay the tip if they saw me but usually I only got a quarter.

Her delusional state was heartbreaking, she was for the most part lucid aside from not realizing what year it was. She’d give me hair/makeup tips, LOVED to talk about men, and always told me stories about her husband.

But she seemed unsure of where he was because she never mentioned him dying or if he visits.

GPS led me to my city’s hospital. After getting directions from a lot of employees, I finally found the room. I’ll admit now, I reallllly should’ve paid more attention to the signs but was in rush and didn’t bother.

Luckily there was a nurse already in this lady’s room. I was was just going to walk in and drop food off when the nurse starts shaking her hands and rushes to me.

“No, no, no, you can’t come in here. This is isolation”.

“Oh I’m sorry, she ordered a delivery”.

She went back in the room and asked the lady if she ordered delivery and I heard the lady say yes.

I overheard the nurse tell her, “You should’ve told me”.

The nurse comes back to me to grab food and told me if I had walked in the room I would not have been let back out or something along those lines.

Threw me for a loop. I will pay more attention now. I promise.

So while I was in undergrad, I worked as a pizza delivery driver.

I had a delivery to a dodgy part of town with a delicious pie. When I got within a couple miles of the residence, a local sheriff’s deputy got in front of me.

We made all the same turns. Then as we got closer, another got in front of him and one behind me. I start freaking out a bit, but I carried on.

Finally, we all get to the same residence which is totally surrounded by police in riot gear, guns drawn, all that. I get out with my pizza and discover the house I’m supposed to deliver to is the one with SWAT out in front.

One of the officers waves me off and says, “He’s not gonna need that today”. They proceed to breach the door, at which point I return to the car with a free pizza and get outta there.

They were added to our “do not deliver” list but I don’t think we ever heard from them again.

I delivered pizza to a huge mansion that was renowned for big tips, where you had to go around the back to a gate leading to the pool patio.

The guy who answered the gate doorbell ()! had been disfigured in some horrible accident. He had me wait while he got his wallet, so I got a good dose of the backyard where a raging party was going on.

It was like midday on a Wednesday.

Guy finally comes back, addresses me by name (I’m not wearing a name tag) and says, “You don’t remember me, do you”? Knowing that I’d remember those injuries, I realized he must know me from before he got hurt, and I stammered out a weak “no, I don’t”? His response blew me away – he recalled being in first grade with me at a local Catholic school I had attended for one year.

Then, he went on to detail everything about class that year, the people, teachers, activities and that his accident had happened during the following summer.

He’d gone through a windshield in a head-on with a semi.

I delivered there a few more times, and hung out chatting with him as long as I could.

It slowly became clear that the party crowd was just using him for his money. That was messed up enough, but what I also eventually realized was that he was stuck in that last normal year he’d lived. He’d bought this mansion as soon as he was old enough to access the accident settlement, and his friends were partying that money away pretty fast.

I had no idea how to help him or even if he wanted help, and eventually started letting other drivers take that run. I never saw him again, even though it’s a small town. Eventually he stopped ordering pizza and then I left for a job elsewhere, but would pass by his house when visiting.

Fewer and fewer cars were parked out front every time I went by, and the house slowly became overgrown with ivy.

BrianNotBrad

A few years ago, I delivered to a house where the whole family was out front when I arrived.

There was also a husky puppy, who got into something in the grass. The wife’s response was to shake and cuss at it. I put on a half-joking voice and said, “Hey, you can’t shake it out of the pup”!

The husband did some flex on me by saying, “Thanks; you deliver pizzas”. Then he stiffed me.

I didn’t tell anyone at work. That night, around 2 am, I went back to the neighborhood, parked about a block away by a patch of woods, and then crept to their backyard fence.

As expected, the puppy was left out back overnight. He was just a couple months old. So I slipped through a gap, unhooked him, and got out of there as quietly as possible.

I gave the puppy to a friend because she and her husband are unbelievably good people, and he’s been such an amazing dog. His name is Chico.

The family either didn’t care or thought the pup got loose or something because I never heard from them at the store.

Maybe it was wrong of me, but I couldn’t forget the memory of her shaking and yelling at that pup.

I drove for Dominos in college and had to deliver to a house in a bad part of town. There were no lights on at all outside and the grass looked like it hadn’t been cut in months. I have to use my phone flash light to find my way to the door.

I knock and this elderly woman answers wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt. She had one eye that was good and one that was completely glazed over.

She never said a word and kept eye contact with me the entire time that she fumbled through her wallet (to give me exact change, ugh).

Meanwhile inside there was a very large man and a little kid. They were both only wearing boxers and the kid kept trying to run up to help the woman with the sodas and pizza.

But the man kept yelling at him to sit down.

All the while this woman was silent and staring into my soul.

I wish I could say it was a one time deal, but no.

I delivered there a few more times after that and it was the exact same drill every time. Just felt like something from The Twilight Zone.

At the mouth of Provo Canyon on the way down from Sundance and Heber City, UT, there was a compound that housed a school for teenagers who rebelled.

We’re talking kids that screwed up and their parents sent them from all over the country to this hard-nosed place to “fix” them.

I’d have to deliver there about once a month.

Parents would feel guilty and send their kid a pizza, paid for with a credit card. The kids, hating their parents, would often put like a $50 tip onto a $15 pizza (this was from 1997-2002 when I worked there).

After a while, the store manager made it a rule that any tip had to be okayed by the parents placing the order, because he’d gotten too many irate parents about their kids’ smart-ass tip amounts.

Anyhow, you had to get buzzed into the main room through this set of double security doors. The guys that worked there were all like 6’2″ and 250 and ripped.

One time, I go in with like 10 pizzas for the entire group, and one of the guys says, “ALL OF YOU GET BACK AWAY FROM THE DOOR”!

He looks at me and tells me to move toward the door. The hair on the back of my neck stands up.

All of a sudden, like three of the kids attack this dude, and they screwed up.

This dude was some kind of Chuck Norris prodigy. They took swings at him with objects from the room (like chairs) and he just blocked them with his arms until he could punch back, and he dropped all three of them with shots to the chest.

I stood there and blinked while he restored calm, telling them, “We didn’t need this, guys,” and “I don’t like doing this, but you attacked me.

I’m here to help you, but if you use violence to get what you want, you’ll have a very tough time here. I’m choosing to not call the police over this”.

I got out of there as fast as I could.

The most messed up delivery had to be when a woman answered with her huge beautiful Siamese cat.

I love that breed, so I ask if I can pet him. She says yes, I bend down. The cat purrs, rubs against me, all the usual signs of liking it.

So I stand up to finish giving this lady her pizza.

That’s when the cat lunges and bites me above my right eye, and wraps all 4 limbs around my head.

Panic! Freeze! What do I do?! Why isn’t this lady helping me???? I grab this demon cat by the front legs and just rip him off of me.

As I do, my contact lens pops off. All I can think is that it’s eye skin coming off of my eyeball. I throw the cat down and just freak out at the amount of blood that starts pouring out of my face.

The woman brings me into her house and puts a towel on. I tell her she has to take me to the emergency room or call 911 as I can’t see well enough to drive myself. After all, it was her cat who attacked me.

She drives me to the ER. I get stitches and a tetanus shot. She foots the bill, thank god.

It was outside of town on a dirt road with tall trees.

Every “house” was basically just a plywood shack. There were broken down cars and trash everywhere. The entire neighborhood just reeked of a second-rate horror film.

I find the right house and walk up to the “door” but it was just a blanket so I had to yell “Pizza”! They come to the door and grumbled.

It was a haggard looking man wearing boxers and a dirty white tank. Something felt wrong as he handed me a bill that looked washed.

I held the $100, with old Ben Franklin’s face on it, up to the light and could clearly see Abe Lincoln in the paper. They had ordered around $50 worth of pizza and wanted change.

This dude tried convincing me that he went to the bank and they gave him that bill. I asked him why the wrong face was on there and he said that’s how they do it. I drove away as fast as I could.

We stopped taking orders from houses that don’t have street numbers.

I drove to the customer’s house and saw that a guy was being handcuffed by the police in the front yard. I had no idea what to do so I drove around the block a few times.

When I came back, the police and handcuffed guy were gone. I didn’t know if he was the customer or not so I just walked up to the door and knocked. An old couple answered and took the pizza and paid and didn’t say anything about the arrest that happened on their lawn. It was in a city with extremely low crime rate as well so it was very strange to 17-year-old me.

We had to blacklist a guy because he was obsessed with me. He would come in and ask if I was there. If I wasn’t working that day he would just show up the next.

If I was on a delivery, he’d wait around in the store for me. He would tell me that he loved me and ask me out on dates.

The last time I delivered to his house, he ordered about $40 worth of food and drinks, and kept trying to hand me $100 even though I told him numerous times I didn’t have the change.

He apparently stole his grandma’s cell phone and wouldn’t give it back and he and his cousin were screaming at each other the whole time I’m waiting to get the smaller bills he kept telling me he had.

He had nothing smaller than a $100 and he kept arguing with me because he changed his mind and just wanted 1 pizza and a drink and I told him I couldn’t do that.

I delivered an $834 order all by myself in the rain. I spent a good 30 minutes lugging this enormous order back and forth from my truck to the altar, getting soaking wet in the process.

All for no tip.

I was delivering chicken (KFC). My worst stop was pathetic, really.

As soon as I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell “I GOT IT”.

He opens the door and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends, “The chicken peasant’s here! The chicken peasant’s here!”! A crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.

I asked if they could hand me the money, they laugh and just throw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder.

So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split.

Later, I told the boss what happened and if they call to complain I won’t listen or apologize; I’ll just quit if he brings it up.

I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed.

Good boss.

Every time I had to deliver to extended stay hotels it was the worst.

They usually never tip and it’s 95% of the time a weirdo. There was one regular who looked like he never left his room. He would crack the door and tell me to leave the pizza on the ground after signing the receipt.

I don’t know what on earth he was doing, but eventually we stopped taking his orders because he never tipped.